It's okay to have a good cry sometimes, it doesn't portray weakness, it shows that your only human. Today is a hard day for not just me, but all of my family also. My grandad; who was a huge part of our lives, pasted away five years ago and today is his birthday. The old boy would had been fifty-eight today. I said to myself this morning 'fifty-eight' now that's not old at all. These five years only seem like yesterday and there's always something that happens, and I find myself wishing I could tell him about it. It's hard. I'm not going to lie. He was my best friend. I wish he could see how I'm growing up into a young women and be proud. I know he is. I can't see him but he's still here. People tell me I'm crazy but I feel it, I know he's here. Some say it's a fragment of my imagination or my way of dealing with it.. Maybe it is. My grandad was loved by many and he will never be forgotten. I mean, he can't be. My dad, my dad reminds me of him every single day and I love that. I see an essence of my grandad in him and it makes me smile. Today is hard. Emotions flying and my mind erupting. Positivity? Positivity is hard to hang onto but I have to. Positivity is what keeps you going. A few years back me and my family raised over eight thousand pounds for a charity called 'St. Clare hospice'. I remember my grandad being so fond of this place, it was his dream to give back to them as they helped him among the years. He passed before he could pursue this dream so we achieved it for him. Cancer. That's what broke him down, day by day. That word, it makes me so angry. It's not fair, he was so young and it took everything out of him. He didn't deserve this; no one does! I Saw how he was everyday, how the therapy changed him, not just physically but mentally. I saw how it was killing everyone and I couldn't take it. I was only young but I took in so much of my surroundings. He was brave, he was accepting, he was my hero.
This post is personal, I see that. I wanted to share that with you. I know what it's like to have a loved one fall ill. It's almost an unbearable experience but you can't give up. Hope, that's what you cling onto so tight and you don't let go! Without hope what do you have? Fear? The willingness to give up? Walk away? No, you don't get to do that. I am hoping to enspire as least one person out there today and if I have then I've done my job. If you're going through a similar experience and you have no one to talk to about it then I know how you feel and I'm here to listen. Just contact me through email, don't be afraid to let your feelings show.
Happy Birthday Grandad ❤️
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